Comedy Humorist Gifts

'Now, where did I put it?'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Zombie standup

Showbiz Awards

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

'The circle is complete!'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Trump pardons

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'Your French dip, sir.'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"I guess I'm more of a why-wolf."

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!