Comedian Gifts

"And now a request from the audience."

"Thank you. You've been a great audience."

'That would be a whole lot funnier if it weren't hooked up to your colostomy bag.'

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

"Maybe it needs a caption."

'Joking or non-joking?'

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

Private Eye Editor Ian Hislop

Norman Wisdom 1066

"We're not a seafood restaurant -- this building has a pretty severe lobster infestation."

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

Man in bed to hospital clown: 'It may surprise you to hear that, actually, morphine is the best medicine.'

'Tell us what you've done with all the grass!'

Stuff between birth and death

"See? No socialists."

'We had to hire a bigger venue to accommodate the elephant in the room.'

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."

Thanksgiving.

'It's not as easy as it looks.'

'He got some bad grass in the seventies.'

"This is Heaven, you idiot. Everything's perfect. There is no suggestion box."

"I understand they've uncovered some weird new side effects since you were here last."

A man seeking truth encounters a clown.

Pandemic Jeopardy

Caricature of Bruce Forsythe

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

'When I clap my wings you will jump up and start acting like a hypnotist...'

Please enjoy this culturally, ethnically, religiously and politically correct cartoon responsibly.

'Did you tip the waiter?'

Pet Store: Clown Fish.

"Your order is confirmed and your credit card has been charged. You have purchased one small liberal-arts college in New England. Thank you for your order."

'So, you have a red nose and get laughed at a lot...that is a good thing.'

'If you would like to read more, the fine print is tattooed to my foot.'

'I got downsized after the king subscribed to that online joke service.'

'I've become a victim of my own success. I'm starting to crack myself up.'