Tv Critic Humorist Gifts

Peace inactivist

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

Can't Touch This

'What does it say, Dad?'

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

"Amateurs."

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"I like it but does it get only the one channel?"

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

Ranked Voting in N.Y.C.

Non Thought For The Day.

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Hedgehog holding sign saying 'the end is nigh' as man invents the wheel.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"