Tv Critic Humorist Gifts

Peace inactivist

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

American Idle.

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

Can't Touch This

'What does it say, Dad?'

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

"Amateurs."

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"I like it but does it get only the one channel?"

It's not a bad planet -- Their talk shows make it seem a lot worse than it is.

Non Thought For The Day.

Ranked Voting in N.Y.C.

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Can't Touch This

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

Christmas TV...

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

A skip full of fools.

Hedgehog holding sign saying 'the end is nigh' as man invents the wheel.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'