Tv Critique Comedian Gifts

"I'm not sure that lifting the remote control is what they meant by 'taking exercise'!"

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"Amateurs."

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

It's not a bad planet -- Their talk shows make it seem a lot worse than it is.

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

Non Thought For The Day.

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics! (Published originally on February 9, 2013).

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

A skip full of fools.

Hedgehog holding sign saying 'the end is nigh' as man invents the wheel.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

This action stuff is okay, but try a romance or comedy next time.

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"It was so depressing. When I go to the theatre, I want to be entertained."

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

Sorry, I thought you said you wanted to see 'Parrot Normal Activity'

Pundits

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

'Cohiba is written on here with a Sharpie.'

Movie Rated 'R' - Audience Rates 'X'.

"...They must be poor catchers, there's two men behind the plate."

"Gracie, don't worry so much about your big test... You know, when I was your age, I didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'. Until I looked it up."

'I'm sorry, you just missed him. Call back in from 5 to 10 years.'

The day that William Tell bought his first crossbow.

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."