Tv Critique Comedian Pillows

"I'm not sure that lifting the remote control is what they meant by 'taking exercise'!"

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"Amateurs."

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

Non Thought For The Day.

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

"Let's play make-believe. I'll diagnose you with a life-threatening illness, then cure you with a wonder-drug that turns out to be a placebo."

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Hedgehog holding sign saying 'the end is nigh' as man invents the wheel.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

Sorry, I thought you said you wanted to see 'Parrot Normal Activity'

'Who stuck corks on all the cursors?'

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"It was so depressing. When I go to the theatre, I want to be entertained."

Pundits

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

'I'm sorry, you just missed him. Call back in from 5 to 10 years.'

"Gracie, don't worry so much about your big test... You know, when I was your age, I didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'. Until I looked it up."

Movie Rated 'R' - Audience Rates 'X'.

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

"...They must be poor catchers, there's two men behind the plate."

The day that William Tell bought his first crossbow.

"I've been having hallucinations again, Doctor."