Criticism Comedians Pillows

"I killed him in self-defense. I'm not good at accepting criticism."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Amateurs."

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

Non Thought For The Day.

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

Hedgehog holding sign saying 'the end is nigh' as man invents the wheel.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"It was so depressing. When I go to the theatre, I want to be entertained."

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

Sorry, I thought you said you wanted to see 'Parrot Normal Activity'

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

'I'm sorry, you just missed him. Call back in from 5 to 10 years.'

"Gracie, don't worry so much about your big test... You know, when I was your age, I didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'. Until I looked it up."

Football Delivery

The day that William Tell bought his first crossbow.

Movie Rated 'R' - Audience Rates 'X'.

"I've been having hallucinations again, Doctor."

"I guess it's an OK job. Minimum wage plus all you can eat. I tried to quit once but couldn't get out the door."

'The footprints in the cheesecake were inconclusive, but my DNA was all over the peanut butter pie.'

Stunt Fly flying through a cow.

Usuccessful early versions of the whoopi cushion.

Dog biting Cat.

'The service was crap.'