Comedy Commentators Pillows

"Money is the root of all evil!. . . Parishioners wishing to purge themselves of that evil, may do so during our collection."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"Amateurs."

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

Non Thought For The Day.

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

A skip full of fools.

Hedgehog holding sign saying 'the end is nigh' as man invents the wheel.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

Sorry, I thought you said you wanted to see 'Parrot Normal Activity'

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

"It was so depressing. When I go to the theatre, I want to be entertained."

This action stuff is okay, but try a romance or comedy next time.

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

Pundits

'Cohiba is written on here with a Sharpie.'

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

"Gracie, don't worry so much about your big test... You know, when I was your age, I didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'. Until I looked it up."

That's nothing. You should see what he writes in the comments section.

" ... and markets closed lower today on news that markets would close lower today."

The day that William Tell bought his first crossbow.

'I'm sorry, you just missed him. Call back in from 5 to 10 years.'

Movie Rated 'R' - Audience Rates 'X'.