Comedian Critic Pillows

"I need to talk to you about your unacceptable viewing history. I mean, Michael McIntyre!?!"

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

"Amateurs."

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Non Thought For The Day.

Ranked Voting in N.Y.C.

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics! (Published originally on February 9, 2013).

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

A skip full of fools.

Hedgehog holding sign saying 'the end is nigh' as man invents the wheel.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

This action stuff is okay, but try a romance or comedy next time.

"It was so depressing. When I go to the theatre, I want to be entertained."

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

Sorry, I thought you said you wanted to see 'Parrot Normal Activity'

'Cohiba is written on here with a Sharpie.'

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

Unnatural Selection.

'I'm sorry, you just missed him. Call back in from 5 to 10 years.'

Movie Rated 'R' - Audience Rates 'X'.

Pop up begger.

The day that William Tell bought his first crossbow.

"Gracie, don't worry so much about your big test... You know, when I was your age, I didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'. Until I looked it up."