Comedian Critic Pillows

"I need to talk to you about your unacceptable viewing history. I mean, Michael McIntyre!?!"

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"Amateurs."

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Non Thought For The Day.

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

Ranked Voting in N.Y.C.

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

Hedgehog holding sign saying 'the end is nigh' as man invents the wheel.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

Sorry, I thought you said you wanted to see 'Parrot Normal Activity'

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"It was so depressing. When I go to the theatre, I want to be entertained."

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

"Gracie, don't worry so much about your big test... You know, when I was your age, I didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'. Until I looked it up."

Pop up begger.

'I'm sorry, you just missed him. Call back in from 5 to 10 years.'

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

Movie Rated 'R' - Audience Rates 'X'.

The day that William Tell bought his first crossbow.

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'