Comedy Critic Pillows

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Due to cutbacks we've had to accept a sponsor for your stitches.'

"I've been having hallucinations again, Doctor."

"I guess it's an OK job. Minimum wage plus all you can eat. I tried to quit once but couldn't get out the door."

Hedgehog holding sign saying 'the end is nigh' as man invents the wheel.

"I thought we agreed you were going to cry on the inside."

'Waiter, there's no fly in my soup.'

'I know it's my third doughnut, but it's okay. I'm using the Pilates method of dunking.'

'...and how did the acupuncturing go?'

"No, no, I said Bathsheba!"

"Hello, I'm doing a survey on personal privacy."

Amnesia Clinic

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

Crime means you have to take the money and run. In politics you run, then take the money...!

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

Non Thought For The Day.

'You'd better put yours on, too -- The MacBeths are coming for dinner.'

Take Care Describing Yourself U.S.P.

'Early Mafia Lessons.'

'I'm sorry but the vote was for impeachment.'

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"This reality program about teachers is terrible! Most of the show they complain about their feet!"

"Our interview with the author of the best-selling book, 'how I never paid taxes', has been postponed 5 to 10 years."

'Oh, stop! That's what it's called, for crying out loud!'

Working on a raft/working on a raft of initiatives.

'I forgot what I was going to complain about.'

'Your lab tests are back. Your cholesterol weight, and self importance are all too high.'

'Don't tell me YOUR troubles!'

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"How dare he try to snog me? HE'S BALD!"

Man with a lizard brain.

'I know you're on drugs boy. You've been seen with the supply teacher.'

Theatrical agent, "Quite honestly Frank I think you've turned into a poor caricature of yourself"

'Yes, I know we're hyenas - but sometimes I just don't feel like laughing, Kate.'

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."