Comedy Critics Pillows

Special Regulations.

'You can't intimidate me!'

Julian Assange

"A world-wide flood? -- Couldn't you just get rid of everybody by attrition?"

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'Due to government surveillance, is my allowance taxable?'

"Amateurs."

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Non Thought For The Day.

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

Hedgehog holding sign saying 'the end is nigh' as man invents the wheel.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"It was so depressing. When I go to the theatre, I want to be entertained."

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

Sorry, I thought you said you wanted to see 'Parrot Normal Activity'

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

'I'm sorry, you just missed him. Call back in from 5 to 10 years.'

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Movie Rated 'R' - Audience Rates 'X'.

"Gracie, don't worry so much about your big test... You know, when I was your age, I didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'. Until I looked it up."

The day that William Tell bought his first crossbow.