Comedy Critics Pillows

Special Regulations.

'You can't intimidate me!'

Julian Assange

"A world-wide flood? -- Couldn't you just get rid of everybody by attrition?"

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'Due to government surveillance, is my allowance taxable?'

"Amateurs."

A knight sent to kill a dragon armed with a fly swatter

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

"Get off the stage and get a copy of 'Studies of Laughter in Interaction'—I think you'll enjoy it."

Non Thought For The Day.

'The good news is your life sentence is about over.'

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics! (Published originally on February 9, 2013).

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"It's tough to get him moving, but once he's going he never stops."

A skip full of fools.

Hedgehog holding sign saying 'the end is nigh' as man invents the wheel.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

This action stuff is okay, but try a romance or comedy next time.

Sorry, I thought you said you wanted to see 'Parrot Normal Activity'

"It's supposed to be a comedy, so I've had Steve, here, red-flag the funny parts."

"It was so depressing. When I go to the theatre, I want to be entertained."

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

How Trickle Down Economics Work

'Cohiba is written on here with a Sharpie.'

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

The day that William Tell bought his first crossbow.

Pop up begger.

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

'I'm sorry, you just missed him. Call back in from 5 to 10 years.'