Tv Humorists Gifts

"Well,that must be a television FIRST-Delia Smith BURNING a roast!!!'

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

'Looks like this part of the beach has been claimed.'

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

Man tapping a tuning fork on another man's knee

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

"...They must be poor catchers, there's two men behind the plate."

'I'm organic.'

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

"The most common adverse vaccine reaction after the first dose is trying to get the second dose."

Born Cynical,,,,

'I sculpt what I see, Miss Delsey.'

'Ooooh, it's Frosty! Couldn't you just melt in his arms?'

Bureau of alcohol, tobacco, firearms and other neat stuff.

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

Busking Elephant

Self-Help Books / Fixing Others.

Now you can buy shares online. "Buy Cher's What?"

"His schlock has gravitas."

'Did you know that your lips move when you paint?'

"The viewers seem to be sated with stupid shows, senseless movies and embarrassing celebs. That's why our black screen has got the best viewing figures!"

'What a day! I feel like I've been through the ringer.'

Cross Platform.

Carol singers at Anagram Company singing 'Listen Thing' instead of 'Silent Night'.

"And on tap I've got Enfamil, Isomil, and Gerber Lite."

Man donating to a musician is arrested for littering.