Tv Humorists Gifts

"Well,that must be a television FIRST-Delia Smith BURNING a roast!!!'

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

'Looks like this part of the beach has been claimed.'

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

Man tapping a tuning fork on another man's knee

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

"...They must be poor catchers, there's two men behind the plate."

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

After talking one stranger to death, Velma starts in on the next.

'I'm organic.'

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

Liberals' Wishful Thinking about Joe Biden

"The most common adverse vaccine reaction after the first dose is trying to get the second dose."

Born Cynical,,,,

Busking Elephant

It's sweet of you to ask, Randy, but I've decided just to rent some Mel Gibson movies instead.

'I sculpt what I see, Miss Delsey.'

'I wrote on this piece of cardboard because the teleprompter is broken. Just say something about technical difficulties and we'll be right back after these messages or whatever. Just don't read this on air!'

Bureau of alcohol, tobacco, firearms and other neat stuff.

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

'Ooooh, it's Frosty! Couldn't you just melt in his arms?'

Self-Help Books / Fixing Others.

Now you can buy shares online. "Buy Cher's What?"

"His schlock has gravitas."

'Did you know that your lips move when you paint?'

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Chris Matthews'

"The viewers seem to be sated with stupid shows, senseless movies and embarrassing celebs. That's why our black screen has got the best viewing figures!"

Cross Platform.

'What a day! I feel like I've been through the ringer.'

'And do we really need scarves for warmth? And what's with the stove top hats?!'

Seven Deadly Sins. Anger. Envy. Covetousness. Gluttony. Lust. Sloth. Pride. After you've successfully resisted the other six deadly sins, it's really hard not to be proud.

Carol singers at Anagram Company singing 'Listen Thing' instead of 'Silent Night'.

"And on tap I've got Enfamil, Isomil, and Gerber Lite."