Ironical Humorists Gifts

'... and I got this one for being a dishwasher.'

Polly txt speak

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

"Gee, thanks pal."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

Alien embryo growing in earth.

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Puss in cement boots"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

The First Fire Stick

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"She's a miniature."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

Giant Monster in Bath