Media Humorist Gifts

"I'm gonna boycott twitter. But is it a boycott if I never tweeted before?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

Radiator jazz player

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

Elevator Music

The Phantom Of The Garden

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

Guitar pickin'

German School

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.