News Humorist Gifts

Actually, I never understood these televised sessions until the cable company started scrambling their signal.

'Welcome to 'All Sides of the Issues.' Here's our panel of commentators -- a communist, a socialist, a liberal, and a progressive....'

Brexit Way

Elon Musk's Twitter Bid

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

UK/US Free Trade Deal

They're Not Just That Into It

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

No-Work Orange

"Gee, thanks pal."

Trump! The Musical

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

I've Always Wanted to Be Oppressed By Someone Who Looks Like Me

'He's downgrading the credit agencies.'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

'Poll results are in...90% of Americans can't spell Schwarzenneger.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

The signing of Ben Franklin's non-disclosure agreement.

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

Spot the Difference - God/Uncle Sam