School Application Gifts

'We were finding it impossible to get the kids into a decent school, so we had them adopted.'

'...and, if I don't get a place, I'll kill myself.'

"I was our high school's only class president that was impeached."

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'Another football scholarship offer?'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

Do you have any other skills?

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'Impressive resume, We'll verify it through Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr and get back to you,'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

Job Interview Gone Bad.

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'I wish his guidance counselor spent more time on college plans and less time suggesting names for his band.'

Look! There's a photo of our eco club's Earth Day actions in the newspaper! Sports. Power up the green machine!! I could use more copies. Me too. They're going to really power up my college applications.

'How many words per minute do you type?'

"Where do you see yourself five beers from now?"

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

Employment recruitment aptitude test

'An application won't be necessary, Sir. . . if you did it, we know about it.'