University Application Gifts

"The test results are in and I've got great news. My daughter got fourteen fifty on her S.A.T."

"The extent of your extracurricular activities in high school, may very well be participation in regular program of oral hygiene using an effective decay preventaative tooth paste, but that won't get you into a good university."

Dance Course "How are course applications going" "Slow,slow,fast,fast,slow..."

She'll probably get in through clearing.

'But I digress...'

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'Another football scholarship offer?'

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

"Someday, Sweetheart, you’ll look back on this day and think to yourself, ‘Covid ruined my college experience.’"

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

Trust

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'You have failed on all counts...'

"My papie says I'm going to be the first in my family to go to college!"

'I wish his guidance counselor spent more time on college plans and less time suggesting names for his band.'

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

"Be afraid to try new things!"

Good Luck with your finals.

'It's my application to Harvard...'

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

Look! There's a photo of our eco club's Earth Day actions in the newspaper! Sports. Power up the green machine!! I could use more copies. Me too. They're going to really power up my college applications.

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

Too big to fail

'I wanted to ask you about life-experience credit.'

I do want you to have a role in the group,but I wasn't thinking of 'the bloke who sits at the back eating biscuits and having a bit of a nap'.

'Does it matter what answer I put down? After all, this is Liberal Arts.'