College Application Gifts

"I read your college application essay. First of all, the word college has two l's."

Since college admissions officers might see his Facebook page...

'I read your college application essay. First of all, the word 'college' has to 'L's'.'

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

"Now that my college of choice no longer requires the SAT, I'm relying more than ever on grade inflation."

Hoping to convince the university that he is worthy of a wrestling scholarship, Nick pins the director of admissions in 13 seconds.

"So I think I'm going to do my college essay on 'Overcoming Adversity'."

Brown - But My First Choice Was Yale.

'...Not getting in, too big a bribe...'

"For admission, we consider the student's grades, test scores and credit score."

'Oh...you qualify for a scholarship alright...all you have to do is convince us this isn't you on facebook with the bong in one hand...'

To protect the ears of college admissions officers, parents are asked to step into a sound-proof booth before looking at tuition prices.

"Career plans? I'd like to go to college and major in googling."

"I've spent more sending my son on college campus tours than I did getting my degree."

"Of course I'm not quitting school, Dad! If anything, I've learned that if you want to succeed, you need passion and leadership and a whatever-it-takes attitude!"

"Should I mention that I sold my startup for three billion on my college application?"

"I'm too busy going to college to study."

'It's refreshing that you performed community service for some reason other than to get into a good college.'

'Another football scholarship offer?'

Today we're making videos for college recruiters. We'll focus on your top field hockey assets. Becky's ball handling. Jen's power goals. Sarah's innovative kilt stylings. She's going into fashion design.

'Yale's my first choice but any ivy school will do.'

'How dare you deny my son's application because of his low SAT scores! Everyone knows that test is culturally biased.'

Clown College. Scholarships? Are you trying to be funny?!

State U. He procrastinated and is now trying to do all the work for his middle English literature class in a couple of days. "Canterburied," is he?!

Today we'll practice the most important skill you'll learn this season. I hate passing drills. Maybe it's dribbling. Hold your cell phone like so. Focus in tight on your subject. Oh. Right. Making videos for college field hockey recruiters. Better angles equal higher scholarships.

The New SAT.

'It's my application to Harvard...'

How was your college tour? Good. Now I need straight A's and 375 extracurriculars to get in. You're exaggerating. Easy for you to say. You've got a 4.0. Yeah, but

Look sharp, women! We're shooting video of our game. I hope it shows our huge victory! Goose! It's for seniors to send to college hockey recruiters. So? It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you look playing the game!

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"One year closer to college!"