College Application Gifts

"I read your college application essay. First of all, the word college has two l's."

'I read your college application essay. First of all, the word 'college' has to 'L's'.'

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

"Now that my college of choice no longer requires the SAT, I'm relying more than ever on grade inflation."

"So I think I'm going to do my college essay on 'Overcoming Adversity'."

Brown - But My First Choice Was Yale.

'...Not getting in, too big a bribe...'

"For admission, we consider the student's grades, test scores and credit score."

'Oh...you qualify for a scholarship alright...all you have to do is convince us this isn't you on facebook with the bong in one hand...'

"Career plans? I'd like to go to college and major in googling."

"I've spent more sending my son on college campus tours than I did getting my degree."

"Of course I'm not quitting school, Dad! If anything, I've learned that if you want to succeed, you need passion and leadership and a whatever-it-takes attitude!"

"Should I mention that I sold my startup for three billion on my college application?"

"I'm too busy going to college to study."

'It's refreshing that you performed community service for some reason other than to get into a good college.'

'Another football scholarship offer?'

'Yale's my first choice but any ivy school will do.'

'How dare you deny my son's application because of his low SAT scores! Everyone knows that test is culturally biased.'

The New SAT.

'It's my application to Harvard...'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"One year closer to college!"

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

Through These Hallowed Halls, walks Our Future - "Talk about putting pressure on a guy!"

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"