College Application Season Gifts

'It's my application to Harvard...'

'If I major in criminology, can I get life experience credit?'

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Another football scholarship offer?'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

'I wish his guidance counselor spent more time on college plans and less time suggesting names for his band.'

'I'm partially passing my Meteorology course.'

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

"Well, my IQ is 180--and that's in Centigrade, not Fahrenheit."

'After you ask him for the pony, ask him to pay for your college education.'

"The counselor wasn't much help about getting into college. All he said was to study hard and get good grades."

"So what happened between you and Estella?"

"Aren't you young to be worrying about college?"

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."