Application Season Gifts

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'Another football scholarship offer?'

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

Personnel - "This letter of recommendation is full of misspellings!"

Do you have any other skills?

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

Job Interview Gone Bad.

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"Where do you see yourself five beers from now?"

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

'It's my application to Harvard...'

'An application won't be necessary, Sir. . . if you did it, we know about it.'

'I see from your C. V. that you're my son...'