University Applications Gifts

"Cheer up, Nicole! What does Princeton know? Say, you got any plans for that last bit of cobbler?"

"The extent of your extracurricular activities in high school, may very well be participation in regular program of oral hygiene using an effective decay preventaative tooth paste, but that won't get you into a good university."

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Another football scholarship offer?'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

'It's my application to Harvard...'

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'Does it matter what answer I put down? After all, this is Liberal Arts.'

Cover Design for Cambridge ABC (Student Magazine)

Pinara fund

What do you think of the application so far?

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

End of Affirmative Action

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

"Of course I'm not quitting school, Dad! If anything, I've learned that if you want to succeed, you need passion and leadership and a whatever-it-takes attitude!"

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

',,,and you can name your salary as long as it falls within our range of underpaid employees,'

Bureaucratic Position Interview

Waiting for the results.

"At this school we stress critical thinking. And right now I'm very critical of your thinking."

"Buy stock in a college?...I don't think you can...but why would we?"

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

'Believe me, mister... I'm an old hand in capital procurement!'