University Acceptance Gifts

"At this school we stress critical thinking. And right now I'm very critical of your thinking."

Waiting for the results.

Brown - But My First Choice Was Yale.

"Buy stock in a college?...I don't think you can...but why would we?"

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

'Does it matter what answer I put down? After all, this is Liberal Arts.'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

"You've got an unconditional offer from the University of West Lincs."

"Junior got accepted into State!"

"I hate to ask for money, but I have a lot of student loans to pay off."

"When you get to Uni be sure to let that hair down responsibly."

"If you insist on giving me a gift for being accepted into Oxford, I could use a new DVD player...gift wrapped in a BMW."

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

Pinara fund

'Another football scholarship offer?'

'It cost a mint to educate him. If you want his opinion, you'll have to pay for it.'

'Interesting specialist subjects.'

"Your son is a bus driver? Well, my Andy goes to university..."

'It's my application to Harvard...'

Cover Design for Cambridge ABC (Student Magazine)

No Job Prospects? No Problem!

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

Prejudice/Empathy

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

Through These Hallowed Halls, walks Our Future - "Talk about putting pressure on a guy!"

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"Class, this is Mr. Elzondo. He's going to talk about going to college."