Getting Into University Gifts

"I can't believe that Derek got into university!"

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

"One year closer to college!"

'Another football scholarship offer?'

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

Bribes for Jabs

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

'It's my application to Harvard...'

"Be afraid to try new things!"

'Does it matter what answer I put down? After all, this is Liberal Arts.'

I do want you to have a role in the group,but I wasn't thinking of 'the bloke who sits at the back eating biscuits and having a bit of a nap'.

'I'm partially passing my Meteorology course.'

Cover Design for Cambridge ABC (Student Magazine)

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

"Stop applying! You've been accepted to three universities!"

End of Affirmative Action

Pinara fund

"Well, my IQ is 180--and that's in Centigrade, not Fahrenheit."

'Good news Mom. I was accepted to the college of your choice.'

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

"The extent of your extracurricular activities in high school, may very well be participation in regular program of oral hygiene using an effective decay preventaative tooth paste, but that won't get you into a good university."

The timing doesn't work for eco-club to start a garden. I have a better idea. Build a compost bin. You can recycle the school's leaves and grass clippings. You'll have good soil for a garden next spring. That's not enough time for college admissions essays. Write about the trauma of delayed gratification. Never heard of it.

"Aren't you young to be worrying about college?"

"The counselor wasn't much help about getting into college. All he said was to study hard and get good grades."

'This isn't a good time. I'm in trouble with the Dean for using my cell phone in class. I'll call you back.'

Waiting for the results.

"At this school we stress critical thinking. And right now I'm very critical of your thinking."

"Buy stock in a college?...I don't think you can...but why would we?"

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

Contest to enter the University