Attending University Gifts

'Yes, your father studied at a 'red brick university'. He never graduated though, because he's as thick as a red brick!'

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'Another football scholarship offer?'

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

"My homework ate my dog."

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

His Master's Thesis.

"Someday, Sweetheart, you’ll look back on this day and think to yourself, ‘Covid ruined my college experience.’"

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

The University Cricket Match - a sketch at Lord's.

'It's time to move out when Mom says...'

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

'It's basically a good master's thesis, but the word you want is 'serfs,' not 'smurfs.''

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

Pesky students.

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

"Never mind rehearsing for your first year at Uni. Get up now!"

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

Fishbowl rebellion.

Trust

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

'You have failed on all counts...'

Good Luck with your finals.

"I'd like to spend a year abroad before getting tied to quill and parchment."

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.