Applicant Gifts

What do you think of the application so far?

Bureaucratic Position Interview

',,,and you can name your salary as long as it falls within our range of underpaid employees,'

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

'A rise certainly, you have to apply in person to our headoffice in New Zealand.'

'I admit I copied all my essays from the internet.'

"Start Monday...I like the cut of your jib, young man"

'I'm sorry, Mr.Nesbitt - but there's no accounting for taste.'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."