Admissions Applicant Gifts

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'Another football scholarship offer?'

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

'I'd hire you, but the word is going around you guys are practically extinct!'

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

"We don't have an exercise room here. You'll stay in shape by climbing the ladder, jumping through hoops, toeing the line..."

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'It's my application to Harvard...'

'Tell me about your gap year, Mr, Van Winkle,'

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.