School Admissions Gifts

"Now, remember, be the yourself we talked about."

Catholic school admissions exam - Q: Is the Pope a catholic?

Boho Bribes

"I'm sorry, but Woolfsey Academy expects a basic level of preparation from its candidates. Mistaking vermilion for scarlet? I don't think so.".

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

Through These Hallowed Halls, walks Our Future - "Talk about putting pressure on a guy!"

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

'It's my application to Harvard...'

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

"Class, this is Mr. Elzondo. He's going to talk about going to college."

Treadway college - A little knowledge, a lot of tuition.

'Cat Lit. You?'

End of Affirmative Action

College game crowd: 'WE WON',,,'and that somehow makes you superior'

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

Scenes we'd most like to see...

'I'm partially passing my Meteorology course.'

"Well, my IQ is 180--and that's in Centigrade, not Fahrenheit."

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

'Good news Mom. I was accepted to the college of your choice.'

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

"Our focus here is on the arts. Is he pottery trained?"