School Admission Gifts

'Yes, dad, I mis-spoke my math grade, covered-up my reprimand from the dean, and cheated on an English quiz, but I'm getting an A in political science.'

"We help the student qualify for one of the major tutoring centers."

'They're praying the school doesn't find out that they've been pretending to be religious.'

'Her special Talent is sulking.'

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

"Getting into a good grammar is getting harder and it's worse now that the government is prioritising 'normal working families'."

'You'd like an admission? Well it's a lousy school and been in special measures for years. . .'

'Congratulations son! You've got into your first choice school.'

"I'm afraid you could do better work in order to get your daughter into this school."

"She's so smart...on the highway of life, she's in the E-Z Pass lane."

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

"So, Sandra, what can you tell us about your lovely mood board?"

Through These Hallowed Halls, walks Our Future - "Talk about putting pressure on a guy!"

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'It's my application to Harvard...'

"Class, this is Mr. Elzondo. He's going to talk about going to college."

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

Treadway college - A little knowledge, a lot of tuition.

'Cat Lit. You?'

Scenes we'd most like to see...

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

End of Affirmative Action

"Well, my IQ is 180--and that's in Centigrade, not Fahrenheit."

College game crowd: 'WE WON',,,'and that somehow makes you superior'

'I'm partially passing my Meteorology course.'

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

'Good news Mom. I was accepted to the college of your choice.'