School Admission Interviews Gifts

Private School Interview - 'How much do your parents weigh?'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

Bribes for Jabs

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

In addition to brilliant grades and perfect SATs � Parents' night. College admissions. Your child should excel at 3 sports and lead a school extra-curricular like the newspaper. Don't the arts count? Sure! If your child sings, for example � A part on 'Glee' or in the Metropolitan Opera would certainly help. Our kids are doomed.

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

'It's my application to Harvard...'

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

"Well, my IQ is 180--and that's in Centigrade, not Fahrenheit."

'I'm partially passing my Meteorology course.'

End of Affirmative Action

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.

"Our focus here is on the arts. Is he pottery trained?"

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

"Aren't you young to be worrying about college?"

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

Hi, I work at the admissions office of the local university. If you could change the world in three days, what would you do?

'This isn't a good time. I'm in trouble with the Dean for using my cell phone in class. I'll call you back.'

Contest to enter the University

"Not the 'Princeton Experience' he was expecting."

Chère Maman

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

Gracie goes over to the college recruitment tent at a carnival.

Universidad

'Explain to us, son, how gaining nine A levels is uncool and damages your street cred.'

'I'm sorry...we're not sure you're self obsessed enough.'

Boho Bribes

Night Owl

'I'll make a good lawyer. I know how to go for the jugular.'

College Football

'...and, if I don't get a place, I'll kill myself.'