Admissions Applicant T-Shirts

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'Another football scholarship offer?'

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

Bribes for Jabs

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

'I'll be a responsible and mature asset to the company, as proven by the lack of asinine photos of me on Facebook.'

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

"So what makes you think you're the man for the job?"

'I'd hire you, but the word is going around you guys are practically extinct!'

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

"We don't have an exercise room here. You'll stay in shape by climbing the ladder, jumping through hoops, toeing the line..."

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'It's my application to Harvard...'

'The last guy I worked for kept me on a short leash.'

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.