Applying For College Gifts

"We want you to have fund, as long as it's fun that enhances a college-admission application."

'There's really no need for confusion. Page 95, section 33, paragraph L in this scholarship application instructions quite clearly says ... '

'Yale's my first choice but any ivy school will do.'

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'Another football scholarship offer?'

"One year closer to college!"

Bribes for Jabs

How come rich kids do so well on SAT tests? Their parents give them books, fancy trips, lessons and

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

Fishbowl rebellion.

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

"Never mind rehearsing for your first year at Uni. Get up now!"

Trust

Overloaded with extracurricular activities, Griffin's body began to grow an extra brain to cope with it all.

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

Look! There's a photo of our eco club's Earth Day actions in the newspaper! Sports. Power up the green machine!! I could use more copies. Me too. They're going to really power up my college applications.

'It's my application to Harvard...'

"My papie says I'm going to be the first in my family to go to college!"

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

'I wish his guidance counselor spent more time on college plans and less time suggesting names for his band.'

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

' I said, you WIN, I'll pay your dorm rent!!!'

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

The 5 paragraph essay is sooo stupid. Why do we have to learn it? So you can get good SAT scores. That will get you into a good college, and then a good job. So you never have to write another 5-paragraph essay again.