Applying To College Gifts

'I'm sorry but we don't have athletic scholarships for video games.'

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

As he picked up the video game controller, the trap was sprung, and Ryan's mother forced him to fill out college applications.

"Writing about your community service is good, but I would play down the court-ordered part."

'We'll have to take this one - he invented the software we're using to make the selection.'

'I'm getting ready to apply to colleges. Do you have a list of party schools?'

'I'm sorry...we're not sure you're self obsessed enough.'

"Mr. Amin, I want to thank you for being my teacher."

'I flunked my driving exam. How am I going to get into Harvard now?'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

Wow! Look at all these college brochures. You're soo popular! The top colleges in the country want me to apply! Um, Twig. You know they're trolling for applicants to boost their stupid rankings. That's ok. At least I'll be rejected by the very best! You can visit me at Harvard.

'I wish his guidance counselor spent more time on college plans and less time suggesting names for his band.'

The SAT test scores rose for students from rich families. Mom? Dad? If I'm going to get into a top college

Look! There's a photo of our eco club's Earth Day actions in the newspaper! Sports. Power up the green machine!! I could use more copies. Me too. They're going to really power up my college applications.

We know being raised by wolves isn't ideal, but think of the amazing essay you'll have on your college application!

"Aaack! How did an unscheduled hour get on your calendar? This will not look good on your college application."

'If you aren't careful, son, you'll be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

'Do you offer a degree in punditry?'

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

"Your sat scores were low, but the good news is your credit score is over 800."

"The counselor wasn't much help about getting into college. All he said was to study hard and get good grades."

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"Actually, I'm hoping what I'm going to be when I grow up hasn't been invented yet."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

"One year closer to college!"

'Another football scholarship offer?'

How come rich kids do so well on SAT tests? Their parents give them books, fancy trips, lessons and

Bribes for Jabs

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"Never mind rehearsing for your first year at Uni. Get up now!"