Scandal Dodger Gifts

"Your integrity is on the line. Want me to say you're in a meeting?"

'I've never hired illegal aliens, never avoided my income taxes, never womanized, never sexually harassed anyone, never avoided my service obligation. Will that disqualify me from being reelected?'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

Scapegoat of the Year

"Do you ever have days when you can't seem to rise above petty politics?"

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

Goal!

"You go on ahead. I'm going to hang out here for the next few months until everyone stops saying the word 'caucus.'"

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

'Don't read the Book of Revelations yet -- it's full of spoilers.'

"Get ready to duck...we're caught in a departmental crossfire."

"If you don't wish to hear the match result look away now."

"If you don't want to know the result of the united game then look away now"

"We're not celebrities, and we don't want to get out of here..."

'There's going to be a lot of blame thrown around. Remember to bob and weave.'

"His number is the amount of payola he received to play basketball for his college."

"That book was so cliche. Can you believe the butler actually did it?"

"The bad news is Lady Sybil has died in childbirth. On the other hand, Bates is back home and Tom's sticking around to help run the estate."

Baseball Cash

'I find it's best to just stay out of office politics.'

Work Meeting Rules

Cone of Silence

"For some plays, the second act is best left shrouded in mystery."

Traffic Court. To be fair, he did pay his ticket.

Dirty Harry

"I like to keep up with all the latest things I don't care about."

"Before you say anything, let me tell you which TV shows I don't want spoilers on."

Alternative Names for Washington Redskins

'What's up? Don't tell me they've taken off the football for Corrie?'

"It's so unfair, I'm blamed all the time even though it's never my fault..."

'... And so the tortoise beat the hare, but was later disqualified due to steriods abuse.'

"All these reports and rumours lack substance....unlike our athletes."