Controversy Dodger Gifts

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

Scapegoat of the Year

'Daniel! How many times have I told you not to bury that in the back yard! I'm going to be late for work!'

'Whatever you do, don't tell them you think you're ready to take on more responsibility!'

'It's been a pretty slow day -- What say we knock off a couple hours early?'

"With great power comes zero responsibility."

'Refusing to fill in a psychometric test reveals a lot about you, Jones.'

"You go on ahead. I'm going to hang out here for the next few months until everyone stops saying the word 'caucus.'"

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

Thank You For Not Giving Me Your Views About Brexit

'Young lady, you're not going anywhere until you clean your lint trap!'

"Can you send me a text so I can use it as a ruse to get out of this conversation?"

"Just once, can we not talk about politics."

"Let's go back to the scenario in which none of this is my fault."

"This case poses a very difficult choice... I know, coin toss!"

'Forget the test Mrs. Winslow. Let's send out for pizza!'

'Look, I'm a goat, not an elephant. I really don't want to debate politics during the game...'

"If you don't want to know the result of the united game then look away now"

"If you don't wish to hear the match result look away now."

"Well, I don't like doing paperwork at the business. I'd rather be watching a ball game. But we all have to do things that we don't want to do! That's part of life."

'There's going to be a lot of blame thrown around. Remember to bob and weave.'

Not my fault! Not my department! Not my problem! Not my job!

'I am willing to fail... as long as it's not my fault.'

'...and now to continue our exciting coverage of the election debate.'

'Thought Bubble Gum: 'Oh no! ... I'm going to get words all over my face!''

"Must be question time again."

"How's your substitute history teacher, Baldo?"

"It's weird... My boss has a freaky way of seeing through my excuses. It's like a sick sense."

"Your integrity is on the line. Want me to say you're in a meeting?"

Why you must get up.