Sports Spoiler Dodger Gifts

"If you don't want to know the result of the united game then look away now"

'If you don't want to know the scores please exercise your distrust of the BBC now.'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

Fear of news.

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

'officially, I'm on leave, but I'm really just ducking the media.'

'Don't read the Book of Revelations yet -- it's full of spoilers.'

"How do I turn off my camera so no one stares?"

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

"Arithmetic doesn't agree with me."

"I've had custom reading glasses made that blot out the words 'brexit' and 'royal.'"

"Can you send me a text so I can use it as a ruse to get out of this conversation?"

'I gained about two hours a day. I gave up the New York Times.'

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)

'We see a lot of carpal tunnel syndrome caused by repetitious pushing of the tv mute button during the political ad season.'

'There's going to be a lot of blame thrown around. Remember to bob and weave.'

"If you don't wish to hear the match result look away now."

Bob worked hard to avoid the spotlight.

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

"That book was so cliche. Can you believe the butler actually did it?"

"So I'm thinking...why bother with all the junk mail?"

"The bad news is Lady Sybil has died in childbirth. On the other hand, Bates is back home and Tom's sticking around to help run the estate."

"How's your substitute history teacher, Baldo?"

"Must...not gaze into...his eye! For I may...never break free!"

"I'm had a miserable day, so I'd appreciate it if neither of you mention politics, wildfires or COVID."

"Your integrity is on the line. Want me to say you're in a meeting?"

Cone of Silence

"Before you say anything, let me tell you which TV shows I don't want spoilers on."

"We need to shelter him from all news about economic indicators!"

'I found I'm able to maintain my disposition by not watching any economic or employment news.'

'Maybe he doesn't want to know what's going on in the world.'

"It's so unfair, I'm blamed all the time even though it's never my fault..."

"So I take it you won't be going to the staff Christmas party!"