Saw Aficionados Gifts

Sawrd Fighting

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

'A cousin to the hammerhead, here we see the allusive, yet, handy, multi-use shark.'

'I've found a spade I like Julia...'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

Frank & Ernest. Signe Painted. Cosmetology Dept. That should be "cosmology"! Why do you always get those two confused? I always think the one about space should have an "et" in it.

Peter Benchley's New Book Fish!

Body Building

"I'll tell you how much wood I could chuck if I could—a lot, like, half a cord!"

Free Range Golfers

It feels so weird when I forget my watch.

'There, THAT tree won't bother anyone anymore!'

"You don't understand, Mom. Our staying in and watching TV is not the same as you and Dad staying home and watching TV in Dayton, Ohio."

Finesse fishing

'I didn't know there was an official seesawing outfit.'

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

'I think someone's asking to go out.'

"Hey, Brian. I can't make it to the park today, but I'll be there in spirit."

'Santa has been and he's taken our telly...'

"Why did we buy such huge furniture?"

Santa's Workshop. Ernie runs that sanding machind here. He says that makes him a "smooth operator."

'Now, that's what I call a deathbed!'

Neighborhood Watch.

'Thanks for coming Bob, the reception was terrible before...'

"Shoo!"

'Is there a Nobel Prize for viewing?'

Penknife catching baby penknife.

'Why couldn't you wear glasses like everyone else?'

"We figure out real quick who's gonna make it as a tree surgeon."

"Are you still working on that?"

Street prophet with notice board - The World Ends at Midnight - Have a Nice Day

"I stockpiled all my guns, just in case tyranny came to America. Well, it's here!"

'I need just a hair cut off this.'

'Drawer!'

Our next story is about an lawyer who goes around suing restaurants for improper lighting. Ah, an "ambiance chaser"!