Satirical Saint Pillows

'I'm sorry but you obviously don't believe in God because you didn't forward the religious emails to 10 or more people in your address book.'

"Rumour has it, he only got this gig because of who his dad is."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

'...And the meek shall receive a huge bailout!'

''Halliburton'? Wait a minute! -- I meant for the MEEK to inherit the Earth!'

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

'In life I was scorned for worshipping the Almighty Dollar.'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"Yes, we do share data with the IRS."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Drive-thru Church

'Even More Disciples'

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

The Ten Really Cool Facts

'The company was quite generous. They gave me a whole day off for the funeral.'

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full if you have a case."