Saintly Satire Lovers Pillows

'Sorry about this, but SOMEBODY has to be the Patron Saint of Politicians.'

'Pig flu??!'

Drive-thru Church

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"OK, OK, Dad. I'm up... I'm up."

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

Holy water cooler moments

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

Slay Ride.

"Up here, we call it 'Nectar of the Gods' not 'Devil's Brew'!"

"Two bars—how about you?"

"I wasn't responsible for those sins."

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

Heaven Mk. II.

"It's important to remember my son; without evil, we would all be out of a job."

"Nobody 'leaked' your transgressions, Mister. We know everything up here."

'Now-Now! We all make mistakes.'

The Lord giveth. The Lord taketh away. Joe giveth back.

'I'm not really a guru. I'm just here due to a tax loophole my accountant cooked up.'

'There! The sun is done.....I think I'll call it a day.'

"I hate when they start 'speaking in tongues' around here."

"You've been randomly selected for additional screening."

"You must have me confused with someone else. The only thing I'm searching for is the darned fuse panel!"

24/7 th Heaven

"Open your mouth so I can take a DNA sample."

'On that Noah thing, just rinse and repeat as necessary.'