Saintly Satire Lovers Pillows

'Sorry about this, but SOMEBODY has to be the Patron Saint of Politicians.'

'Pig flu??!'

Drive-thru Church

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

'He may be the Messiah, but he's no Springsteen.'

"OK, OK, Dad. I'm up... I'm up."

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

Holy water cooler moments

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

And on the seventh day He rested

Slay Ride.

Some other sins you may enjoy.

"Up here, we call it 'Nectar of the Gods' not 'Devil's Brew'!"

"Two bars—how about you?"

'That's St Joseph. He's the patron saint of baby aspirin.'

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

'Okay, now...while holding down the commandment key, type in the number ten.'

"I wasn't responsible for those sins."

Heaven Mk. II.

The Lord giveth. The Lord taketh away. Joe giveth back.

"Nobody 'leaked' your transgressions, Mister. We know everything up here."

'Now-Now! We all make mistakes.'

"It's important to remember my son; without evil, we would all be out of a job."

'I'm not really a guru. I'm just here due to a tax loophole my accountant cooked up.'

'There! The sun is done.....I think I'll call it a day.'

"I hate when they start 'speaking in tongues' around here."

24/7 th Heaven

"You must have me confused with someone else. The only thing I'm searching for is the darned fuse panel!"

"You've been randomly selected for additional screening."