Saintly Satire Fan Pillows

'Even if you were always Mother's little angel, I still have to look it up.'

"I wasn't responsible for those sins."

Remove Belt & Shoes

A surprise in heaven

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

St. Elmo's fired.

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

Deviled HamDeviled Eggs.

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

"Hallelujah!"

"According to the breathalyzer, the wine definitely represents your blood."

"Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about that?"

Moral Outrage.

"Can we discuss this?"

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

"I want to take a vacation, but the last time I left you in charge your face appeared on a grilled cheese sandwich."

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

'I propose a day of mild exasperation in response to Richard Dawkins.'

God changes His will.

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

"It's an extremely hazardous occupation - nearly every pope for the last 600 years has died on the job."

''Halliburton'? Wait a minute! -- I meant for the MEEK to inherit the Earth!'

Basic Theology

'I miss the evildoers.'

"Dude....I just came back from the dead! I need a coffee, not a bloody chocolate egg!"