Saintly Satirist Pillows

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

'Where's my halo? I'm here on ninety days probation period.'

"Open your mouth so I can take a DNA sample."

'We NEVER let bygones be bygones!'

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"I know that sound! Is someone trying to snuggle in a mobile phone?"

"Don't you sometimes wish that maybe you had been just a little bit naughtier in your former life?"

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

Drive-thru Church

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

'Even More Disciples'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

The Ten Really Cool Facts

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full if you have a case."

Come To Church Today and Beat the Christmas Rush.

Out for lunch... GOD

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