Saintly Satirist Prints

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

'Where's my halo? I'm here on ninety days probation period.'

"Open your mouth so I can take a DNA sample."

'We NEVER let bygones be bygones!'

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"I know that sound! Is someone trying to snuggle in a mobile phone?"

"Don't you sometimes wish that maybe you had been just a little bit naughtier in your former life?"

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Drive-thru Church

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

The Ten Really Cool Facts

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

'Even More Disciples'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full if you have a case."