Saintly Humor Pillows

"When I found out I couldn't take it with me, I left it all to charity."

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

Drive-thru Church

St. Elmo's fired.

Praying mantis.

Shoe repair

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"I was lucky -- my parents went to Heaven."

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

'Stick on Souls'

'I'd like to leave the priesthood to marry you, Sister Agnes, but I hate to leave show biz!'

Pope Benedict at Easter

'...And the meek shall receive a huge bailout!'

'In life I was scorned for worshipping the Almighty Dollar.'

Saint Gustaf, patron of pranksters and practical jokers. Martyred by angry mob in 725.

Dangerous Populist Pope

'We only get an hour for lunch, so your best bet is to brown-bag it.'

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

"I wasn't responsible for those sins."

'Pig flu??!'

'Now-Now! We all make mistakes.'

'Twelve More Disciples'

Saint Peter using a security screening.

'I'd buy her a drink, but I don't think I can do that up here.'

How To Saint . . .

"Let's get to know him. He's being fast tracked to sainthood."

"Open your mouth so I can take a DNA sample."

"You've been randomly selected for additional screening."