Saintly Satire Enthusiast Pillows

St. O'Mach - Patron Saint of Hearty Eaters

"You want to appeal my decision? We aren't running a democracy up here."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Ghostwriting the Bible

Drive-thru Church

St. Elmo's fired.

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

'Look, several prisoners in my client's facility have reported finding God in their cells! Yet you claim you've never broken in one time?'

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

'Don't be too hard on sinners. If it weren't for sinning, we'd all be out of work!'

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"It's Irv Pelton, Mr. Mather, from the Voice Crying in the Wilderness Department."

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

'I'm sorry but you obviously don't believe in God because you didn't forward the religious emails to 10 or more people in your address book.'

'In life I was scorned for worshipping the Almighty Dollar.'

'...And the meek shall receive a huge bailout!'

Slay Ride.

'I'm on a diet -- I only eat illusory things.'

'That's St Joseph. He's the patron saint of baby aspirin.'

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

'Okay, now...while holding down the commandment key, type in the number ten.'

"I wasn't responsible for those sins."

"It's important to remember my son; without evil, we would all be out of a job."

"Hi there! - Would you mind if I come in and talk about the Devil..?"

'First of all, thank you for enrolling in our rewards program.'

''Halliburton'? Wait a minute! -- I meant for the MEEK to inherit the Earth!'

'Pig flu??!'

"They never would have got away with that in the Old Testament."

'Now-Now! We all make mistakes.'

"What do you think of the new offering buckets Preacher?"

'We can prove there is an indiscriminate use of your image and that you are entitled to proper compensation.'

"Come! Join my cult! Bring your worldly goods in cash, silver or gold!"

"Let's get to know him. He's being fast tracked to sainthood."