Saintly Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"I see you're of good character."

St. Elmo's fired.

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

"Blessed are they who blow out birthday cakes candles, for they shall be de-lighted."

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"In heaven there are no trees."

"Is it just me or does the dog seem calmer since you got it that new collar?"

'No, I heard you snoring -- you just dreamed that you attained Nirvana.'

Meditating cat. 'Hi! You have reached the 4th state of consciousness. We're not in right now...

"Now that I'm enlightened, I have to admit: I kind of miss the suffering."

Priest

'Hey, come on -- You've got to believe in yourself!'

'Every time one door closes, another one opens. Can you fix it?'

"I'm your guardian angel. But due to some technical glitz, I happen not to be invisible!"

'That's right. I took all your money and didn't teach you a darn thing -- enlightening, isn't it?'

Saint Gustaf, patron of pranksters and practical jokers. Martyred by angry mob in 725.

'That's St Joseph. He's the patron saint of baby aspirin.'

"I wasn't responsible for those sins."

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

'This is God I Missed you in church last Sunday.'

'Now-Now! We all make mistakes.'

'Pig flu??!'

I agree it's kind of sad...but it was just a matter of time.

"I regret believing in reincarnation."

"Don't sit under the Bodhi Tree with anyone else but me."

'It's amazing how fast people become big tippers.'

'Y'know, I came here long before there was all that modern technology!'

"What happens on earth stays on earth, right, sir?"

The Pee and Pray - for today's busy Christian.

Collection plate at church with signs of the credit cards the church will take.

"And one more thing: you don't get to pardon yourself."

Jesus Loves Me According To Wikipedia

"Don't you sometimes wish that maybe you had been just a little bit naughtier in your former life?"

"Let's get to know him. He's being fast tracked to sainthood."

"That was one #!@* good sermon Preacher."