Saintly Satire Lover Pillows

"Let's get to know him. He's being fast tracked to sainthood."

Saint Peter using a security screening.

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

God asks an angel for change for a tower viewer.

"Could you speed it up a little, the 'Seinfeld' marathon starts in five minutes."

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

"Bring me the head of John the Baptist. Just kidding. Get me the Paulson file."

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

"Two bars—how about you?"

Abraham sacrifices Isaac

'Really? A Bride of Satan? Golly, Lucille, why did you wait until our fourth date to tell me you were already married?'

"Hey you!. . . Get off of my cloud!"

"Up here, we call it 'Nectar of the Gods' not 'Devil's Brew'!"

Slay Ride.

'Oh, I don't know -- Tell Adam to try patriarchy for awhile and we'll see how it works out.'

"I wasn't responsible for those sins."

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

"It appeals to pride, greed, lust, sloth and envy, but we're overlooking gluttony and avarice."

Sacrifices at 4:00PM and 6:00PM

Heaven Mk. II.

"Nobody 'leaked' your transgressions, Mister. We know everything up here."

'Now-Now! We all make mistakes.'

"It's important to remember my son; without evil, we would all be out of a job."

'Pig flu??!'

'..Wasn't I supposed to offer her an apple or something?'