Santa Satire Lover Pillows

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

Bottom Of The Barrel Holiday Releases

Spama Claus.

6 Children or Less

"He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake."

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

Santa Elevator

'He may be the Messiah, but he's no Springsteen.'

Rudolph wasn't the only one who used to like to play Reindeer Games.

'Sir, we're just not reaching them. Only a small percentage of people own vinyl records, and hardly anyone thinks to play them backwards.'

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

"I thought you might like to have a merrier brain for the new millennium!"

I brake for Jetliners.

Santa Claus uses drones to deliver presents on Christmas.

'You rejected my great grandfather and my father. I demand you recuse yourself!'

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

Don't fly and text.

And on the seventh day He rested

"Hey you!. . . Get off of my cloud!"

"I've got nothing on for the next few months, do you fancy sex?"

Some other sins you may enjoy.

Slay Ride.

"Two bars—how about you?"

'Really? A Bride of Satan? Golly, Lucille, why did you wait until our fourth date to tell me you were already married?'

Santa uses reindeer parts.

Sacrifices at 4:00PM and 6:00PM

"Yes, a glass of milk and cookies for Santa is common, but when you find carrots for the reindeers, you know for sure it's a nice kid's house..."

"It appeals to pride, greed, lust, sloth and envy, but we're overlooking gluttony and avarice."

'What do you mean you don't rent helicopters?' (Santa shot all his reindeer)