Santa Satire Aficionado Pillows

'You know when kids are good or bad? Are you part of government surveillance?'

Ghostwriting the Bible

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

Santa Elevator

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

'Don't be too hard on sinners. If it weren't for sinning, we'd all be out of work!'

"It's Irv Pelton, Mr. Mather, from the Voice Crying in the Wilderness Department."

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

I brake for Jetliners.

"I thought you might like to have a merrier brain for the new millennium!"

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

Don't fly and text.

Slay Ride.

'I'm on a diet -- I only eat illusory things.'

"Up here, we call it 'Nectar of the Gods' not 'Devil's Brew'!"

'What do you mean you don't rent helicopters?' (Santa shot all his reindeer)

"I wasn't responsible for those sins."

"It's important to remember my son; without evil, we would all be out of a job."

"What do you think of the new offering buckets Preacher?"

"Hi there! - Would you mind if I come in and talk about the Devil..?"

Christmas Joy, Peace and Goodwill.

'First of all, thank you for enrolling in our rewards program.'

"They never would have got away with that in the Old Testament."

Santa pees his name in rooftop snow.

'Pig flu??!'

'There! The sun is done.....I think I'll call it a day.'

"Let's get to know him. He's being fast tracked to sainthood."

Saint Peter using a security screening.

'I hope you're satisfied! -- My friend's halo just exploded!'

"Son, why don't you switch to my shampoo and conditioner?"

Bottom Of The Barrel Holiday Releases