Santa Satire Aficionado Pillows

'You know when kids are good or bad? Are you part of government surveillance?'

Ghostwriting the Bible

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

Santa Elevator

Hades Movie Awards After Show. The dealy sins were all here -- They love walking the red carpet! Pride won tonight for a leading role and envy won for a supporting role. Wrath was seen yelling at at the paparazzi ... Lust tried to meet beautiful actresses ... and Gluttony rushed off to the buffet. Greed is already counting all the money he'll make because he won an award. And when sloth won, he received the night's biggest ovation ... because he was too lazy to give an acceptance speech!

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

'Don't be too hard on sinners. If it weren't for sinning, we'd all be out of work!'

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

'As it's Sunday there will be 30 minutes browsing before the service begins.'

"It's Irv Pelton, Mr. Mather, from the Voice Crying in the Wilderness Department."

"I thought you might like to have a merrier brain for the new millennium!"

I brake for Jetliners.

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

Don't fly and text.

Slay Ride.

'I'm on a diet -- I only eat illusory things.'

"Up here, we call it 'Nectar of the Gods' not 'Devil's Brew'!"

"I wasn't responsible for those sins."

'Okay, now...while holding down the commandment key, type in the number ten.'

'What do you mean you don't rent helicopters?' (Santa shot all his reindeer)

"It's important to remember my son; without evil, we would all be out of a job."

"They never would have got away with that in the Old Testament."

'Pig flu??!'

Santa pees his name in rooftop snow.

'First of all, thank you for enrolling in our rewards program.'

"Hi there! - Would you mind if I come in and talk about the Devil..?"

"What do you think of the new offering buckets Preacher?"

Christmas Joy, Peace and Goodwill.

'There! The sun is done.....I think I'll call it a day.'

Saint Peter using a security screening.

'I hope you're satisfied! -- My friend's halo just exploded!'

"Son, why don't you switch to my shampoo and conditioner?"

Bottom Of The Barrel Holiday Releases