Santa Santa Satire Seeker Pillows

Best seller! 50 Shades of White.

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

Santa Elevator

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

Priests Play Good Priest, Bad Priest

"I thought you might like to have a merrier brain for the new millennium!"

"Uh oh! I just remembered we were supposed to pick up the midwife."

Vampire Weekday

I brake for Jetliners.

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

Don't fly and text.

Slay Ride.

Dead & Breakfast.

'What do you mean you don't rent helicopters?' (Santa shot all his reindeer)

"Of that tree you shall not eat its fruit, lest you die -- plus I licked all the fruit to make it even less appealing."

Christmas Joy, Peace and Goodwill.

Reasons to be glad you're not a werewolf.

Santa on street corner.

"I've been as good as I can in a zombie apocalypse."

"Roof, please."

Devil climbing ladder into heaven.

Let the game begin.

SLOTH...still at lunch

10 Commandments Bar.

"Could you forward it to my offshore account?"

Spama Claus.

Bottom Of The Barrel Holiday Releases

'Hey, baby-pucker up!...Come over here and give Santa a big ol'smoocheroo!'

"He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake."