Santa Santa Satire Seeker Gifts

Best seller! 50 Shades of White.

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"Did you really think you were getting in here?"

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

Santa Elevator

Priests Play Good Priest, Bad Priest

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

I brake for Jetliners.

Ghost Scare-apy Sessions

Vampire Weekday

Search for Extraterrestrial Life. Ernie is working on a theory that alien life forms avoid the Milky Way galaxy because they're lactose intolerant.

"I thought you might like to have a merrier brain for the new millennium!"

"Uh oh! I just remembered we were supposed to pick up the midwife."

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

Don't fly and text.

Dead & Breakfast.

Slay Ride.

'What do you mean you don't rent helicopters?' (Santa shot all his reindeer)

"Of that tree you shall not eat its fruit, lest you die -- plus I licked all the fruit to make it even less appealing."

"I've been as good as I can in a zombie apocalypse."

Christmas Joy, Peace and Goodwill.

Reasons to be glad you're not a werewolf.

Santa on street corner.

"Roof, please."

Bottom Of The Barrel Holiday Releases

Spama Claus.

SLOTH...still at lunch

"Could you forward it to my offshore account?"

10 Commandments Bar.

Let the game begin.

Devil climbing ladder into heaven.

"He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake."