Santa Satirist Gifts

'I don't care if it is Christmas...I'm entering by the front door.'

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

Drive-thru Church

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

The Ten Really Cool Facts

'Even More Disciples'

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full if you have a case."

'You will be reincarnated as someone who undergoes past life regression.'

Out for lunch... GOD

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

'Now that's what I call a religious broadcast.'