Santa Satire Gifts

"Could you forward it to my offshore account?"

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Christian and Born again Christian...

Drive-thru Church

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

Lesbians for Christ

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

Santa Elevator

"No it's fine, really. I'm just saying it's not very mysterious."

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

Angel learning to fly...

"Is there anybody there?"

I brake for Jetliners.

"I thought you might like to have a merrier brain for the new millennium!"

'Not now, Lord!'

Rudolph is at bar speaking to a patron-'So he asks me if I'll pull his sleigh and I'm like-'Not until I get that backpay you owe me fatso!' '

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

'I'm sorry but you obviously don't believe in God because you didn't forward the religious emails to 10 or more people in your address book.'

Don't fly and text.

Slay Ride.

"Hi. I'm Rod. And this is my staff."

'...And the meek shall receive a huge bailout!'

'In life I was scorned for worshipping the Almighty Dollar.'

Dear Santa- Thanks for the awesome gift! p.s. did you know cellphones have built-in calculators? p.p.s. you suck.

"I wasn't responsible for those sins."

'What do you mean you don't rent helicopters?' (Santa shot all his reindeer)

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

Santa pees his name in rooftop snow.

''Halliburton'? Wait a minute! -- I meant for the MEEK to inherit the Earth!'