Santa Satire Gifts

"Could you forward it to my offshore account?"

Drive-thru Church

Christian and Born again Christian...

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

Lesbians for Christ

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

'Toys?! Good heavens, no! I made my fortune through commercial endorsements.'

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

"So, with internet shopping and guaranteed next-day delivery, I figured now was as good a time as any to hang my sack up and retire."

Santa Elevator

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"No it's fine, really. I'm just saying it's not very mysterious."

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

Angel learning to fly...

Rudolph is at bar speaking to a patron-'So he asks me if I'll pull his sleigh and I'm like-'Not until I get that backpay you owe me fatso!' '

"I thought you might like to have a merrier brain for the new millennium!"

I brake for Jetliners.

'Not now, Lord!'

"Is there anybody there?"

"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."

Don't fly and text.

Dear Santa- Thanks for the awesome gift! p.s. did you know cellphones have built-in calculators? p.p.s. you suck.

Slay Ride.

'In life I was scorned for worshipping the Almighty Dollar.'

'...And the meek shall receive a huge bailout!'

"Hi. I'm Rod. And this is my staff."

'What do you mean you don't rent helicopters?' (Santa shot all his reindeer)

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

"I wasn't responsible for those sins."

Christmas Joy, Peace and Goodwill.